


SPAT- Single Parents Awesoming Together

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Big Brother Dean, Delusions, F/M, Imaginary Friends, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Not Beta Read, Prison, Protective Dean Winchester, Psychosis, Sam Winchester and Mental Health Issues, Sam is a Little Shit, Schizophrenia, Single Parent Castiel, Single Parent Dean, Single Parents, Support Group, Teenage Rebellion, Weechester, spat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:56:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4108201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean disliked his father's old fashioned (read: abusive) approach to child rearing. Dean wasn't too bothered when the cops caught up with John-The guy was nuts anyway. All monster this and monster that. He doesn't mind raising Sam in a healthy, normal way that does not involve making the boy run laps.<br/>Sam is raised normal but he’s a hunter at heart and still has demon blood in him, he believes in his father’s monsters- they call it psychosis to start, they can't pin point why Sam's brain does what it does. The diagnosis turns to schizophrenia after a while. Then things get strained. Sam rebels.<br/>At least Dean has Cas to help him through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, yo, yo. 'Sup my fabulous readers? How was your day? WELL here's a new fic for ya anyway. Unlike my first fic this one isn't finished! I don't even have a second chapter written but I do have a fairly detailed plan and after like the 25th of this month I'm free to write away all day.  
> I intend to update either weekly or every fortnight, depends how things go. If I think one update will take particularly long I shall try and warn you. I also may finish the fic then go back and edit it before I post an epilogue. We'll see how things pan out but basically I have a long summer ahead of me and want this fic done by Uni (in September) so yeah.  
> DISCLAIMER: I own nothing important.

Sam was a child genius, aged five and in High School already. Sam was excited. This was his first day at school! Sam was taking big boy steps, trying to look confident as he strolled through the halls of Newman High School, Minnesota his small hand engulfed by Dean’s almost-adult-sized hand.

Sam was…

Sam was five and a half years old, his Dad thought he was still four and too young for school. Sam was like Matilda Wormwood in that sense.

John was away on work. Sam had a brother who thought he was too young to be left home alone. One lucky difference between Sam and Matilda.

Dean was, frankly, a little nervous. Sam didn’t exactly have the best attention span and here Dean was, hoping he’d sit quietly for long periods of time. It had been hard, child minders cost too much and Dad wasn’t always around, yet Dean had managed to avoid bringing his brother too school until now.  
Kneeling in front of his brother, Dean ran his hand through Sam’s hair. Sammy’s hair, cute curls of chaos that no brush could ever tame. He stood again, took Sam’s hand and entered his first class of the day- hopefully Miss Thomas wouldn’t mind the fact he was late.

\----------SPN-SPN-SPN----------

Hoping had never done Dean Winchester much good. He hoped he’d dreamed his mother’s death. He hoped to hell and back his father would quit drinking and start, well, being a father. He had hoped Miss Thomas would see Sam and do the math- she did, after all, have a degree in the subject- and figure out why Dean had been late. Sam decided to hide himself behind Dean upon entering the class and was out of sight before Miss Thomas had spotted him.

“Would you care to tell me WHY you are late, Mr Winchester?” Miss Thomas finally ended her lecture on tardiness in order to find out why her pupil was late.

“My little brother refused to get dressed threw a hissy fit this morning. Apparently, I’m behind the times on the fashion front. Wearing coats in the snow just isn’t the in thing anymore”

“I don’t like this coat it smells like funky motel carpets!” Sam felt he should clarify why coats in the snow just wasn’t the in thing anymore.

Miss Thomas cleared her throat and gestured Dean moved aside.

Stepping so Sam was visible, Dean rushed to explain “My Dad’s too sick to care for him today, we can’t afford pre-school and I couldn’t let him fend for himself. He’ll behave real good for ya, Miss. See he’s even got a notepad in my backpack and a pencil, more prepared than half your students”

Miss Thomas sighed. “Sit in the back and I hear one peep outta you or the child you'll both be in the hallway”.


	2. Routine

Chapter One- Routine

Raising a child wasn’t easy, in any sense of the word. Dean knew that. He knew ensuring Sam grew up safe, strong and smart would be hard. What he didn’t know was that facing judging looks every time he stepped outside with (his pride and joy) Sammy would be harder.

It had been easy, once upon a time. When Dean was sixteen (God, that seemed so long ago) and Sam was four, people correctly assumed they were brothers. Now that Dean was twenty one? Well… he didn’t help himself. He looked closer to twenty three. Sam was almost nine. So sure, people concluded Sam was his son- teenage pregnancy when Dean was fifteen-sixteen and somehow the Mom had ditched the kid with his Daddy. Except for one or two details. First, Dean was twenty one. He was twelve when Sam was born, goddammit. Second, Sam was his brother and so-help-him-God if Dean got another biddy old woman on the bus ranting about condoms…that was nobody’s favourite memory. The birds and the bees talk was one Dean was hoping to have with Sam when he was…well, never at best and aged 13 at worst. But Sammy being Sammy (curious, inquisitive) had nagged to know what the woman was on about.

Aside from the public generally treating him like he was below them, raising Sam wasn’t that hard. Honest. The kid slept well, ate practically everything, did his homework, loved school, followed most rules most the time and had a wicked sense of humour. That’s where things fell down a little, Sam was definitely the class clown. His quick mind and sharp tongue made Sam the centre of attention (not that the kid would have it any other way, he loved being listened to). Dean was just grateful his boy was a charmer. No teacher could hate Sammy Winchester with his dimples, curls and puppy dog expression.

(Dean never thought about Sam’s immense imagination, he was sure Sam would grow out of the whole imaginary friend thing).

Life was good and Dean loved it.

He loved Sam. He loved Uncle Bobby. He loved his job. He loved his routine.

Ah, the routine. An absolute must for any single parent. And yes, even though he was technically Sam’s brother/guardian, Dean classed himself a single parent.

7AM- Dean slams off the alarm clock. “SAMMY, UP AND AT ‘EM KIDDO”

7:30AM- Dean exits the shower, dries, and dresses before heading to Sam’s room. Hanging on to the doorframe with one hand, Dean leans into the room, swinging slightly off the creaking wood.

“Nuh uh, Sam-I-Am. You’ve worn that shirt for _five_ days now. Toss it here and pick another”

“Deeeee, it’s my faaaaaaavvvvv-"

Dean’s eyebrows quirk up. “Is that a ‘no’ I hear? ‘Cause if you do change your shirt we might just have time to get a Maccy D’s for breakfast”

8AM- Double check Sam’s backpack for lunch, homework. Grab his wallet and his keys and they’re out the door. Dean drops Sam off at ‘The Early Bird Club’ at school (he has to pay monthly so the school can look after Sam for an hour in the morning, but it’s worth it if it means keeping his job).

“Oi, shortstop. Slow down.”

Sam paused in his attempt to leave the car at record speeds.

“Have a good day, Sammy-waaaammmyyy” Dean chirped, grinning as he leaned to give Sam a goodbye kiss.

“Eww, Dean. Gross” Sam roughly wiped at his forehead as he gave Dean a kiss on the cheek before sprinting out the car.

8:30AM- Arrive at work, chat with Benny (his boss, technically. Guy was real friendly to all his employees) and figure out what he should be doing today.

3:30PM- Pick Sam up from school and take him back to the garage, spend an hour or two finishing things up and doing paperwork whilst Sam did his homework in Benny’s office (God bless Benny for putting up with _that,_ Sam was a perfectionist).

5:30PM- Home, stick something in the oven. Ask Sam about his day.

“An’, an’, Dee! To finish up the unit Miss say there’s gonna be someone comin’ in to talk to us about recycling and she’s bringing free pencils!”

“Gee, Sammy. Ain’t you lucky…I sure never got..pencils.” Sometimes Dean didn’t understand Sam’s unending enthusiasm for just about everything.

And then relax. Or, well, take care of the finances and the house work whilst Sam watched TV and got ready for bed.

9PM- Sammy’s bedtime. Once again Dean finds himself leaning into the room, hanging off the doorframe that’ll be a bitch to fix if it decides it can’t handle the weight of a fairly muscular, six foot tall man. This time Dean hangs off the top section of the frame.

“Sammy?”

“Yeah, Dee?”

“Come here, kiddo”

“You just told me to get into be-"

“Come. Here, Sam” Dean put on his stern brother voice as he pulled his hand away from the doorframe and cautiously licked at his fingertips. Looking at his brother, Dean didn’t know if he should be more concerned or angry. “Have you been salting the doorframes again?”

Sam shrugged, “maybe”.

Dean grabbed Sam’s arm, perhaps a little roughly but he’s mad and he can always apologise later. “What the hell have I told you, Sam!? Monsters don’t exist. You don’t need to salt rooms for protection from them. All you gotta worry about is burglars and that’s what you got me for! Okay? Nothing and no one is gonna get you with me around, got it?”

Sam pulled his arms away, “don’t Dee. Hurts. Okay, jeez. I got it.”

“Then why’d you do it? You said you got it last time. And the time before that.”

Sam shrugged.

“Look, Sammy, kid. You gotta stop this, alright? Mom was killed in a fire caused by an electrical fault. There was no one in your nursery that night to set the fire. No demons, no nothing because monsters don’t exist”

“And that’s why Dad’s in prison. Because he believed in them and killed humans on accident because he’s crazy”

“Exactly.”

“But I’m not crazy, Dee. I just happen to believe in monsters”

“Well…just happen to not. Okay? I don’t want them locking you up too. One psycho family members enough for me, alright?”

“Alrigh’, Dee. No need to bang on about it” Sam huffed as he finally got back into bed.

“I- we- Yeah. I do need to ban- oh never mind. Night, Sam-I-Am”

“Nigh’, Dee”

Yeah, life was pretty great. Sam was happy and healthy, he behaved 90% of the time and Dean was working on the monster thing.


	3. Werewolves are 100% real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed plan a little and this contains a lot of what would've been chapter three. SO there may be a few alterations depending on how chapter three goes, but I doubt it.  
> Dianna is (according to the website I found) a Roman goddess of the hunt and a protector of children, which I find very fitting for Sam.

Chapter Two

Dean knew this day would come, ever since Sam convinced him to join this SPAT club…god knows why he agreed, Single Parents Alone Together-it sounded so dorky. Sam had picked up About a Boy in the library and insisted Dean found a similar club locally. Apparently Lisa Braeden, who ran the club, was also a Nick Hornby fan. Anyway, the day had come. That dreaded Thursday evening where instead of snooping around someone’s house, Dean would have to fit the group+ kids into the apartment. He had done a lot of cleaning to prepare for this.

Dean sat with the adults in the lounge section of the living room-cum-kitchen. The meeting was as per, bitching about exes and bad dates and the cost of living whilst the kids sat somewhere and coloured. The meetings were actually, on occasion, useful. Dean had learnt which local stores were best for cheap clothes that lasted, which middle school to not even consider sending Sam to and what night the movie theatre had deals on so he could get them in for a bit less and afford popcorn whilst there.

Sam was colouring in his dashing portrait of a werewolf. “See ya gotta be careful of the claws too”.

Ben looked up from his homework as Dean walked past. “You want another drink, Ben? I’m putting some water to boil if you want instant hot chocolate”.

Ben shook his head. “Dean, you got a calculator I can borrow?”

Sam continued talking, seemingly to thin air “Ev’ryone’s like don’t get bit, don’t get bit, you’ll turn into a werewolf. ‘S still painful tuh get scrammed”

Dean paused in making more coffee for the adults and glanced at Sam before turning back to Ben. “Yeah, wait there. I only got a normal one though, none them fancy scientific ones with brackets ‘n’ stuff.”

“Yeah I just gotta take away big numbers and I don’t wanna mess up”.

Dean took the drinks over to the adults before excusing himself to look for a calculator.

Sam hummed as he coloured. “Di, pass the red”

“You want something, Sam?” Ben asked.

Dean paused in the doorway and watched his brother.

“Yeah. Can you pass us the red, please?”

“Here you go, Ben!” Dean walked in, waving his calculator. He leaned over the small table and handed it to Ben. “Everyone here alright for drinks? Chad? Anna? Good.”

Sam looked at Dean and smiled cautiously, his brother was being overly happy in his drink questioning.

Dean smiled back, perhaps a little strained. “Oh, Sammy. You said ‘us’ to Ben earlier. You should say ‘can you pass me’, there’s only one of you”.

“But Dianna wants to use the red too. I was asking on her behalf too”

“Anna’s reading. And it’s just Anna, not Dianna”

“You know I didn’t mean her. I meant my friend, Dianna.”

“Oh. The roman goddess chick?”

“Yeah”

“Yeaaaah. She still ain’t real, Sammy. You’re too old for this imaginary friend stuff”

Sam rolled his eyes and sighed. “Not imaginary”.

Dean ignored his brother and went back to the SPAT meeting.

As the meeting drew to a close Sam finally completed the masterpiece. He proudly showed it off to the other three kids.

“That’s not what dogs look like, Sam” Anna had eventually decided that maybe Sam didn’t know. And she had said they should draw dogs together.

“I know, it’s not a dog”

“That’s not even an animal” Ben stated.

“It half is”

“You can’t be half an animal” Ben argued, using his full thirteen years of knowledge to trump Sam’s measly nine years.

“Really? Because you look half monkey to me” Sam quipped back.

“Shut up. What even is it you’re trying to draw?”

“A werewolf”

Ben laughed. “Dude, don’t be so childish. What are you five? Sammy still scared of the monster in his closet?”

“Yes. Aren’t you?”

“No, I’m thirteen. I’m not an idiot”

Sam rolled his eyes “You won’t think you’re so cool when ya got your blood and guts all ripped out”

“Ben’s right, Sam. I’m eight and I don’t believe in monsters no more. I mean, the daleks are creepy but they’re aliens. That’s different” Chad probably thought he was being helpful.

“Guys, I’m telling you. Werewolves exist”

“Do not” Ben snorted.

“Do too”

“Do not, dumbass”

“DEAN, BEN SAID DUMBASS”

“Ben, play nice! Or at least pick on someone your own age” Lisa called over to her son.

“There’s no one my own age here and I am being nice, Mom! He’s just being an idiot” Ben pointed at Sam accusingly.

Sam glared at Ben and willed the water works to turn on.

“Calling Sam an idiot doesn’t sound very nice to me, Ben. Behave please.” Lisa reprimanded her son who was glaring at Sam. Dean tried to shrink into the couch cushions, Sam had never warmed to Ben so he wouldn’t be surprised to hear Sam started it.

“But, Mooom. He started it”

“Sam? That true?” Dean turned to face his siblings back. “Sam, look at me. Did you start this argument? Because if you did you can apologise to Ben right now.”

Sam turned around, crying a little. “He made fun of me first, he was really mean so I called him half monkey, I didn’t mean to make him mad, Deee”

Dean softened. One thing that would always be a soft spot for him was Sam crying, he was pretty sure his brother knew that.

“Ben?” Lisa tried prompting her son for the truth.

“I didn’t- he- I was tryna help him”

Dean decided he’d waited long enough to not look like he coddled Sam too much and went to pick his brother up out his chair. “How does insulting him and starting an argument help him exactly?” Dean shifted Sam to sit on his hip and made his way back to the couch.

“Can’t have him starting fifth grade next year still scared of monsters. If you let him go to Lakeside, Den and he’s scared of ghosts everyone’s gonna tease him. The teachers say it’s haunted up there, whoever looks scared is just asking for people to make sounds outside their doors.” Ben thought he sounded quite grown up, his argument had reasoning. He was, of course, speaking from experience.

Dean was tense. Sam chewed his lip and waited for the reaction.

After a pause, Dean began “Thanks, Ben. Real nice of you to look out for Sam that way. Sammy, is what Ben says true?”

Sam paused mid-chew “I may have drawned a werewolf. And said that I was a little scared by ‘em”.

Dean set Sam on the floor. “Go to your room, I’ll be in when everyone’s gone”

“Huh?”

“You heard me, GO” Dean didn't mean to yell so harshly.

Sam ran off, really crying this time.

  
\-----SPN-SPN-SPN-----

  
“Sammy, can I come in?” No reply. Dean knocked and entered his brother’s room, sitting on the edge of the bed uninvited he placed a hand on a shaking shoulder.

“Go ‘w-way, Dee”

“Sam-I-Am, buddy. I’m just tryna look out for you, kiddo.”

“By yellin' and sendin’ me tuh my room and making me look dumb in front of the others?”

“By reminding you again, and again and again that monsters and goddesses aren’t real. It makes you sound crazy like Dad when you talk about them, you know I don’t like Dad much. D’you really wanna grow up like him?”

“Daddy saved people, ‘course I wanna be like that. I’m gonna be a hunter when I’m grown and- and you should admire him too, he was a hero”. Sam refused to say anything more.

Dean sighed. Yeah, life was great.

  
\-----SPN-SPN-SPN-----

  
Dean paced the kitchen drying dishes and using his shoulder to press the phone to his ear.

“He’s probably sleeping, he won’t hear me moanin’…..yeah, I’m sure, Bobby”

Bobby leaned back in his chair, Dean had settled down with Sam only an hour from where he lived. But sometimes it was too damn far. “Well, I’ve done some research since your last call”

“Like you’ve promised to do all year”

“Don’t see why you can’t do it yourself, boy” Bobby grumbled.

“I did. But I wanted you to read what they’re saying with your own eyes so you believe me”

“Dammit, Dean. I would’ve believed you anyway, ya idjit. Anyway, I don’t see why you’re concerned”

“Because he’s had the same friend since he was seven and he won’t admit she’s fake. It says online most kids are aware their friends are fake”

“So? Sam falls into the group that aren’t aw-“

“So what if he grows up like Dad?”

Bobby groaned down the phone. “Deeeaaan. I’ve told you he’ll be fine, quit ya worrying. You’re gonna mother hen that boy to death.”

“I just want him to be okay, Bobby” Dean sighed. Why didn’t anyone understand his worry?

“Your Dad’s psychosis was triggered by his depression after your Mom died.”

“That’s a lie. He had episodes when I was little, you admitted when you were drunk he was on meds for schizophrenia. He was doin’ okay, few small blips here and there and then Mom died and he stopped taking the pills and all went to hell”

“So that increases Sam’s chances of suffering it too by a little. He’s still got a 90% chance of not being crazy. And if you treat him like he’s sane it probably won’t harm him”

“I don’t know what to do, Bobby”

“I got a couple ideas….you might like ‘em”

“Hit me”

“First, relax. Give Sam a year or two to grow out of it, then start worrying.”

“Then what? What if he’s eleven and he still has a bedtime ritual and posters of protective symbols and a goddamn goddess for a best friend?”

“Cross that bridge when you get to it. In the meantime, get someone to take care of Sam or drop him with me. Have a day to yourself. Go out. Get a date, you need someone else in your life to think about but Sam. You’re great with him, Dean and I can see you love him to death but if you wrap him in cotton wool he’ll grow up a different type of crazy”

Dean sighed. “I know.”


	4. Hayfever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take it back. Less than a week ago I said I'd be posting weekly-fortnightly.  
> One prologue and three chapters later...But y'all are screwed if I hit a writers block since I'm posting chapters as soon as I finish them. And I might still possibly edit some but I'm happy with the story line so far.  
> This chapter contains my attempt at cute fluff.

Chapter three  


Maybe life wasn’t so great. Dean was healthy and… he was happy, it’s just. Life as a single parent got a little lonely. Dean couldn’t go out for a drink with the guys after work because Sam wouldn’t enjoy sitting around a bar for hours. Dean couldn’t go out on dates because…well, that list was a long one.

Dean didn’t date because-

  1. He never went anywhere where he could meet someone.
  2. He couldn’t take Sam on a date with him and he couldn’t afford to get a sitter on a regular basis.
  3. His small apartment was hardly ideal to bring a girl back to, especially with Sam there.
  4. What if he fell in love and then found out the girl and Sam didn’t get along?



Those reasons were mainly excuses, Dean knew that, yet he still listed them all to Bobby whenever he told Dean to get himself a significant other.

     5.  Castiel Novak.

Oh, Castiel. Hallowed by thy name indeed. Dean most certainly honoured Castiel as something holy because hot-damn no body that sexy could be human. Not that Dean believed in angels or any of that shit, Christ. Who did you think he was? His father? ...Sam?

That was why Dean didn’t date. Why date anyone when they paled in comparison to his buddy, Cas.

“Why dontcha just ask Cas out, ya idjit.” Bobby grumbled down the phone to his nephew, Christ the kid was pretty thick for someone smart.

“What!? Bobby I don’t think you could’ve gone more off topic in a single sentence if you tried”

“So what? All ya do these days is whinge about Sam and the monsters thing. Every kid has this stage, Dean. You used to believe it all until you was ‘round ten too. He’s nine, I know he’s mature in other ways but you should let him have his monsters and his imagination a while longer”

“It’s not just the monsters Bobby, it’s the imaginary frie-“

“I know, I know, you ain’t a fan of Diana ‘cause she’s not real. But I’ve said it once, I’ve it twice. You’re both too damn co-dependant. Let Sam have another friend and get yourself some people your own age to hang out with!” Seriously, Dean needed to get a life. Bobby loved Sam but not enough to hear the same hour long rant every time he rang (which was every other day). “Dean you’re turning into a 40 year old woman who can only ever talk of her kids. Do yourself a favour, think of what’s best for you and ask the guy on a date!”

“Cas is tons older than me. I can’t ask him out”

“Now you’re making excuses”

“No, really, Bobby. I’m 21 and he’s like…37 or summin’. The age gap between us is bigger than the age gap between me and Sam” Dean stood up from where he sat at the kitchen table.

“If he likes you that won’t matter. You’re mature and you understand his struggles as a single parent. Plus every time you go on a date you can share a babysitter. His kid can stay down yours or Sam at Cas’s.”

“What if I ask and he says no?”

“Your Momma didn’t raise you to be a pussy, Dean” Bobby was getting annoyed.

“I don’t think you’re allowed to use pussy that way these days, Bobby…”

“You always change the subject when I bring up Mary”

Dean opened the door to Sam’s room and checked on his sleeping sibling. He changed the subject from his mother again. “I don’t think I can date, Bobby. I ain’t never done it. I copped a feel with some chicks in high school and took one to a movie so I could get laid after but I always had Sammy. He was only little back then, I couldn’t leave him with Dad”

“I know, kid. I know” Bobby’s voice softened. “But at this rate he’ll be dating before you”

Dean chuckled. “Okay. I’ll give it a shot” Dean glanced at Sam again. “Hey, Bobby. You’d babysit for a weekend if thing went well, right?”

“Damn right, he’s one my favourite nephews. Ties first place with you, of course”

Dean laughed properly and softly shut Sam’s door. “We’re your only nephews, it isn’t _that_  hard to be favourites”.

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

Dean laid down on the grassy banking and sneezed. “Fucking hayfever”.

“Language” Castiel reprimanded him.

“Chilaxe, Castiel. All the kids are like too far away to hear”

Cas settled himself by Dean and smiled. “So how’s your first SPAT outing?”

“I dunno, alright. Kinda expenisve for butterflies but this park is neat”

“It costs a lot to keep such a large butterfly house heated and it wasn’t too expensive. Lisa got us a deal on wowcher”

“Yeah but I saw the listings for the real prices, Sammy better not wanna come here too often”

“I guess mechanics don’t earn as much as you’d expect considering how much I pay for a service”

Dean yawned, the hot sun making him drowsy. “I’m not a qualified mechanic, they can only let me do so much to a car, so as a result I don’t earn as much”

“Huh” Cas frowned. “And I suppose they don’t pay enough for you to go to college and get qualified”

Dean laughed. “No, they don’t. I get enough to squirrel away a college fund for Sammy but we’re gonna need a miracle at this rate if he actually wants to go”

Cas looked at Dean, a frown marring his otherwise perfect (or Dean considered it to be perfect) face. “You said in SPAT that your parents were ‘unavailable to care for Sam’. What does that mean and don’t they send you money to care for him? It seems unfair to expect you to do it all yourself”

Dean turned to look at Cas. “It means my Mom’s dead and my Dad’s in prison. It’s not unfair, it just how life works. He’s been mine since I was 18, it was damn hard to get custody of Sam so young but I knew someone who knew someone. No more questions, you gotta be friend level 1000 to unlock the entire tragic backstory”.

Cas looked suitably awkward. “I apologise, I didn’t mean to pry”

“It’s fine, curiosity killed the cat but not the humans. We embraced it and grew to be nosey bastards”

Castiel chuckled, a sound Dean was sure should be illegal. “You say strange things sometimes, Dean Winchester”.

Lisa kept an eye on the kids. Ben and his friend were content skimming stones and Anna was playing nicely with Jo and Chad, patiently teaching them the complicated rules to a game she’d invented. Cas and Dean laid side by side and forgot about the world. Ellen Harvelle started a bet amongst the rest the SPAT group on how long it’d be before one of them asked the other one out.

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

“Anna! Anna, honey we gotta go. You have swimming club at five!” Castiel had been happily zoned out and enjoying the afternoon sun when his phone had beeped, reminding him of the swimming club that would start in an hour.

Anna ran over. “Can I skip it? Please, Daddy, please? There’s no galas or nothing coming up, it’ll just be practise. I can do that any time”

“We still have to go at some point, Anna.”

“But I like this park!” the eleven year old protested.

“Yeah but the picnic food’s all gone, we’ll have to go home for dinner. And look at you! Oh, Anna. You’re covered in dirt. That top was clean this morning” Cas brushed the offended dust and muck off his daughters vest top.

Anna squirmed under the touch and pulled away. “We were having rolly polly competitions and it happened to be muddy. It’ll come off.”

Dean glanced at Anna. “My kid as dirty as you? He’s got his nice shirt on”

Anna shook her head. “No, Sam’s being doing…” Anna waved a vague hand. “Sam things” she finished.

Dean understood what she meant too well. “Guess I shouldn’t complain if it keeps him clean and his clothes intact”. He may not have been complaining, but he couldn’t help the worry re-igniting, Sam things normally meant ‘speaking to thin air’.

Cas finished brushing down Anna’s top and handed her a bottle of water to sip. “One hour and we go. I want to watch a film on TV tonight”

If Anna heard her father she didn’t respond before rushing back to play with Chad and Jo.

Cas saw the frown that had appeared on Dean’s face after he asked Anna about Sam. “I hear Sam’s friend Dianna is lovely”

Dean looked at Cas and replied a little too sharply, “She’s not real”.

“Huh” Cas’s mouth turned down in a baby frown. “Anna seems to think she is”.

Dean was understandably disbelieving. “Wait, your kid believes in my boy’s imaginary friend?”

“Yeah, apparently she met her about a month ago. She’s sweet. Cares deeply for Sam”

“Either Anna needs helps or my Uncle was right, I should give Sam a year or two to grow out of it”

“Why grow out of it? If Sam grows up he won’t be able to get to Neverland if Peter Pan comes calling”

“Damn. I was hoping to tag along and join the pirates out there”.

Cas laughed. “Oh, you’re _far_ too cute for a pirate”.

Dean glanced at him, suddenly coy. “You think I’m cute?”

Cas smiled in what had to be the sexiest way Dean had ever seen (and being single for so long, Dean had seen a lot of porn and ‘sexy’ smiles). “…Maybe I do” Cas replied after a pause.

Dean had meant to casually change topics. Sure he and Cas had flirted a little from…from like the very first second they met, but neither had been that up front about it. On top of that it had been a month since Dean agreed to maybe asking Cas out, why rush into things now? Instead Dean found himself staying very much on topic ask saying “Huh. Maybe I’ll ask you on a date then”.

It was hardly the most romantic date proposal.

The June sun still hung high in the sky and both men looked drop dead gorgeous. The grass swayed softly in the light breeze and bird chirped in the near-by trees.

But then Dean sneezed half way through Cas’s answer and Sam called “Bless you” across the ten feet of space separating them which made Cas laugh and kinda ruined the whole thing.

Yet somehow a date happened. The rest, as they say, is history.


	5. Windows and dates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FEEL SO GUILTY ABOUT ACTUALLY TAKING A WEEK TO UPDATE  
> SO yeah. Basically I didn't update 'casue it was the last week of exams and I was too busy crying, I was gonna update like 5 days ago (after my last exam) but I sorta ended up being ill? Then I was away? Then I was working all day today and couldn't update earlier than now.  
> Anyway, I tried writing this chapter so that it like wasn't 100% reliant on conversations. IDK why I just find conversations easier to write. So enjoy!

Chapter Four.

Dean Winchester had a pure soul and Castiel had had his eye on it since not long after its creation, when the soul had been proudly shown off to him by one of his brothers who wasn’t meant to be near it- that was long before the soul became Dean Winchester. Castiel (posing as Castiel Novak) had recognised the pure soul of Dean Winchester the second he saw it residing in its meat suit. The body, although almost perfect, did nothing to convey the beauty of the soul within. He also recognised the soul of Sam Winchester- equally pure and righteous to start but tainted now. The soul had purposely been made incomplete, it was missing something and Castiel couldn’t tell what that something was in heaven but now it was painstakingly obvious. Demon blood. The blood had filled it up, ruining what could’ve been a master piece fit to rival Dean’s soul. Castiel was not stupid, he knew the fate of these brothers.

Or maybe, maybe Castiel was stupid. Because he had fallen immutably in love with the eldest.

Dean Winchester. The eldest, the one who knew nothing of the supernatural and who laughed at his father’s superstitions before cursing the man for trying to ensure his boys could fight even the hardest battles (which one day they would have to). Dean, the fourteen year old boy who was sat, scared, in a corner of a rundown motel room with a howling toddler in his arms. The sixteen year old who took a pistol from his drunken father’s shaking hands and told him that his brother was too young to learn the shoot, the sixteen year old who got a slap for his efforts to make his father see sense. The seventeen year old who had known for many years that a slap was the least his Dad would do to him. The eighteen year old, scared shitless and tired beyond belief, who took off into the night with his six year old brother and never looked back. He ran the whole way to the police station with a broken rib and a little boy clutching his hand and he had his father arrested.

Castiel wasn’t stupid, he was just slightly ignorant of Dean’s home life. He’d all but cut himself off from angel radio since coming to earth and didn’t care for Balthazar’s gossip. He was sure once Sam was older and Dean had been dating Castiel for a few years (if it so happened that Dean loved him enough to stay that long) that the man would accept the angel for all he was.

\-----SPN-SPN-SPN-----

What Dean would, in years to come, consider to be his first date with Castiel was entirely accidental. The story was one he often liked to tell because not only did it involve his first ‘date’ with Cas but he got to boast about his brother. The story went a bit like this:

When Dean moved to Spring Valley, South Dakota everyone told him that he was great with Sam, a perfect parental figure. He assumed this to mean that he’d done a good job raising the kid so far. Dean’s memories of early childhood consisted of thinking his father was weird for salting doors and windows, his mother was too laid back- letting John salt doors and windows, realising Mary wasn’t laid back. She was avoiding a beating. Learning how to not anger his Dad and not much else. Sure he remembered odd bits of family outings, friend’s birthdays, school trips etc. But he didn’t remember enough about children aged 6-9 to realise just how weird Sam was. He knew Sammy was a little freaky but not…well, he didn’t think it would be a major issue. Dean, despite his worries, believed Sam would grow out the monster thing.

Then, suddenly, it was a major issue. Dean was called in to speak to Sam’s teacher because he had concerns about Sam’s mental wellbeing. Now whilst Dean’s mind anxiously jumped straight to his brother’s delusions the teacher had other worries.

Mr. Milligan wanted to speak to Dean about idiosyncrasies that he had grown so accustomed to that he simply considered than as part of Sammy. He had long ago given up on asking why Sam acted that way and simply accepted it.

“So what, you’re saying my brother’s sick?” Dean tightened his grip on Sam’s hand.

“Dee, lemme go”

“Hush up a second, Sammy”

Mr. Milligan sighed “I didn’t say that”

“You were making it out like he had ADHD or summin’.”

“I don’t think he does. But he won’t sit in his seat, he spends time looking out the window instead of working. Originally I thought maybe he was struggling with the work, or that maybe he did have ADHD. But I think he’s just bored”

“Sammy loves school. I don’t think he’s bored”

“He finished his work a lot faster than his peers. I tested him on some work from the grade above and he did okay, I think it would be worth moving him”

“Oh” Dean could see an issue with this. “Oh, I’m not too sure, Sammy ain’t a fan of change and I put him through an apartment move already this year…”

“That’s what worried me. He doesn’t like change, seemed to dislike the news about a field trip and then there’s his obsession with windows and doors…”

That obsession was something Dean was all too familiar with. It wasn’t really doors and windows but fire exits and windows. When he brought Sammy to have a look around the school before enrolling him Sam had ensured that he had seen every fire exit beforehand. Whenever Dean took him somewhere new, like to a museum or cinema Sam had to either be shown a floor plan or Dean had to ask an employee where all the nearest fire exits were. Sam spent a lot of free time at home looking out the windows. If he woke up at night, Dean would soon be woken by Sam coming into his room to look about his window. Dean had asked why and gotten nothing that made sense from him. Sam loved to be near windows so he could keep watch and guard the place (from all threats, monstrous or not), he liked to know about all fire exits so he knew which doors he would always be able to use to exit a building in an emergency and he preferred to walk places (so he could count his steps and turns and always run home if needed).

Dean should’ve been more worried about Sam’s obsessions than with his monster talk. But he was too used to them to notice it as strange anymore.

After a lot of lengthy discussions with Bobby, Sam, Sam’s teacher and the teacher of the grade above Sam, Dean decided to move Sam up a grade. Thankfully, Sam settled in reasonably fast-for Sam (it probably helped that his seat was by a window). And Sam’s new teacher didn’t notice his obsessions with doors or windows or how Sam was conveniently ill whenever there was a school trip.

And that was what led to the accidental first date. Sam’s new classmate, Josh, invited him to the cinema for a birthday party. Anna knew Josh from swim class. Dean spent the entirety of said party in the McDonalds across the road in case the seemingly harmless kid’s film contained anything that would set Sam off and Dean needed to come collect him fast. Cas walked in to get a drink before heading home and saw Dean and promptly sat down. The two men spent the next hour and a half talking and waiting for their wards. It was quite like a date and only three days before the real 'first date'.

\-----SPN-SPN-SPN-----

Once again Dean found himself on the phone to his Uncle (God, sometimes Dean thought that guy deserved all the medals ever for his patience).

Dean sat on the kitchen floor, slumped against the counters with Sammy between his legs bent in half trying to do his English work. Dean absentmindedly ran a soothing hand through his brother’s hair or down his back. “I’m just saying, Bobby th-“

“No, Dean. You’re not saying anything. You’re being ridiculous. So what if the guy went to college?”

“So what!? He has a degree. And a fancy job”

“He’s an accountant. It’s not that unusual. And he probably uses a fancy calculator to do it all anyway”

“Who cares? He’s not a high school drop-out and I am”

“Not through choice, your home situation forced you to leave. If he like you he likes you. I like you even though you’re a high school drop-out because I know you’re still smart, and that much is obvious to anyone who talks to you. End of.”

Dean smiled to himself and pulled Sam’s back flush with his chest and hugged the boy. “You’re too damn good at this, Bobby. Even got me believing he could like me”

“Good”. That was all Bobby had to say on the matter.

\-----SPN-SPN-SPN-----

Castiel also found himself on the phone. “Balthazar, what are you on about?”

“I was planning your big fat gay wedding”

“Neither Dean nor I are fat. And we are not getting married”

“Jeez, someone’s letting his angel out today”

“Exactly! This was not part of the plan, Balthazar. What if he finds out?”

“Castiel. The last eleven years were not part of the plan. The plan was to hide amongst the humans. Then Anna lost her grace and got trapped inside a child’s body. That’s why we agreed to raise her, so we could protect her”

“She has her grace back, we could move on”

“She enjoys being one of the humans too much. She likes her current body and community. You promised to stay with her as a father and I told you it was no taksies-backsies”

“No taksies-backsies is a ridiculous concept, Balthazar. It’s been five years since she got her grace back”

“And you’re finally starting to settle in and enjoy”

“Enjoy!? I am not enjoying!”

“You won’t be saying that once you’ve slept with Dean” The sound Balthazar then emitted could only be described as manic laughter. “I told you not to join that SPAT thing”

“I was simply making an effort to fit in”

“Dude, five single parents go to it. There’s tons more in your town who have better lives to lead”

“Do not call me ‘Dude’, Balthazar, my name is Castiel or Cas to those people who insist on nicknaming everyone they meet”

“You mean like Dean does?”

“…maybe. I feel I cannot lie to him about my true self, Balthazar, yet he does not believe in angels and I don’t see him taking kindly to the news”

“Then ya gotta lie, little cuz. You enjoyed your first date, his brother gets on with Anna. No promblemo, you live happily ever after. Make your vessel age like Anna does”

“His brother is aware of monsters. His Uncle used to hunt, he simply hides it all from Dean. I afraid our cover could get blown”

For maybe the first time since his creation, Balthazar’s voice took on a serious tone. “Then make sure he doesn’t find out about you. Angels and hunters do not have a good history.”


	6. There's a ghoul in the closet

Chapter Five

Sam had been a fairly friendly child until he was about nine and a half. He smiled at strangers and would chat to anyone who struck up a conversation with him, although he preferred to be alone or spend time with Dianna.

Dean spent a lot of time wondering if he coddled Sam but not really caring. His little brother loved to be picked up and hugged and Dean felt wanted when Sam insisted on curling up to him to watch TV.

Over the past two years things had changed. Sam had a resting bitch-face which he never lifted in public, he acted as though other children were nothing more than nuisance. Truth was, other kids started to notice Sammy’s quirks. The way he got spooked by loud noises and would start whispering protective incantations, his need to see out the window and how sometimes he walked around chatting to thin air with his fingers crossed so nothing bad happened to him.

It had started soon after Sam moved up a grade. He knew no one in that class. Anna had a friend in the class from her swimming club but the boy had no interest in befriending Sam. Sure, Sam had originally been invited to parties but parents didn’t take to him. His behaviour had started to outshine his curls and dimples and become the main focus. They didn’t want their kids to play with the boy in scruffy jeans, who clung to his brother like a five year old, who would stand by the window keeping watch as he swore a demon killed his mother (and they only felt sorry for his loss until he swore he would avenge her and started discussing exorcisms with them).

Dean never saw Sam with the other kids or their parents. He firmly believed his baby brother was getting over the monster thing since he talked about it at home less. Then he noticed hardly anyone RSVP’d to Sam’s birthday and the kid celebrated with only the other SPAT kids, a couple classmates and their anxious parents. He talked to Sam’s teacher and found out that although Sam had settled in the class and enjoyed the work, he had no friends. And his old friends had stopped talking to him since he moved up a grade because they felt he was too geeky to bother with.  
Dean didn’t bring it up with Sam for a long time. He always meant to but Sam’s face positively lit up when he saw Dean come collect him after school and Dean would be damned if he talked about it and made Sam unhappy outside of school as well as in school. Sam became clingier. Dean didn’t resist until he had a growth spurt at around 10. His brother was still a squirt but he was a damn heavy one and Dean refused to pick him onto his hip and carry him about anymore. Cuddling was saved for hugs hello and on the couch to watch TV.

At ten and a half Sam started to withdraw. He spent all his time at the window in his room. He never watched TV with Dean and was reluctant to go to school. He started to exercise more, ‘training’ himself for something or other, and when he shied away from all physical contact? That’s when Dean got seriously worried.

“Sammy?”

No response. Dean knocked louder on his brother’s door, “Sam!?”

The door opened.

“Kiddo” Dean smiled at his brother “we gotta talk”

“’bout what”

“School”

“I’ve done my homework”

“About who you’re friends with at school”

“They’re all jerks. I don’t want to be their friend”

“You didn’t tell me they all ignored you, I had to find out from your teacher. I mean I kinda guessed you weren’t popular, kiddo, but I hoped you had someone”

“I have Dianna”

And for once, Dean didn’t mind that. At least she kept Sam happy.

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

At eleven Sammy seemed to revert. He’d spent the last two months pushing Dean away and wrinkling his face at any attempted hugs and suddenly Dean woke up to find the kid in his bed. Apparently there was something in his closet.

Dean called Castiel.

“Hey, baby. Wassup?”

Dean wasted no time with pleasantries. “Sam’s gotten worse”

“How’d you get worse than a two week talking strike?”

“Well, he actually talked. Came into my room at about 2AM and got into my bed, asked him why this morning and apparently there’s a monster in his closet. He won’t let me enter his room and refuses to go in it himself. I thought he was over this monster shit, man. Haven’t heard about none of it for like three months, heard nothing on Dianna for at least two. I was hoping he’d grown outta it, he starts Middle School next year. Thought he could be normal and fit in”

“Want me to come over?”

Dean sighed. “I don’t see how it’ll help Sam but yes, please. You can help me find a good shrink for him”.

Castiel came over, managed to sneak into Sam’s room and kill the ghoul in the closet then helped Dean find a shrink. He started keeping a closer eye on supernatural activity in the town after that, eliminating threats before Sam got bothered by them.

That was how it started. Sam went to see a state psychologist and got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. His fears and obsessions led to compulsions. The shrink wasn’t too bothered by Dianna. Called her a coping mechanism and pointed out that apparently Sam hadn’t seen her for around for a few weeks, she’d left to protect another child and the doctor doubted she’d be back. He labelled Sam with OCD and an anxiety disorder for now, those illnesses made sense for a child with his background. Dean knew the ‘background’ referred to John and his love of traditional punishment methods, he had his own issues with nightmares and felt guilty that he never thought of the effects of John on Sam, surely his brother had been too young to remember it?

Sam sourced all the issues in his relationship with Dean to the day his brother took him to a psychologist.


	7. Chapter Six- Caretaker, caretaker, couldn't-care-less-taker.

Chapter Six.

If Castiel’s life was a novel, this is where it would end. Dean was moving in. A perfect fairy-tale ending to a short chick-lit. They’d been dating three, almost four, years and at first they didn’t want to move too fast, then Sam had a few episodes in a row- insistent that a numerous amount of monsters were in the vicinity (they were and Cas ganked them but Sam’s ‘crazy’ talk set Dean and the cheapest local psychiatrist on edge. Sam got diagnosed with more and more illnesses). After those episodes everything in Sam’s life was done only if Dean was certain it wouldn’t cause excess anxiety or stress and make the kid start laying salt lines everywhere or carving anti-possession sigils into his chest (even Cas was worried for Sam’s sanity by that). But Sam had been fine for a year (read: Sam had learnt at around age 12 that Dean really wasn’t ever gonna believe him on that monster stuff and so he just shut up about it) and although Dean knew moving was stressful, all Sam had to deal with was packing up his belongings and unpacking them. Dean would do everything else.

The move was beneficial overall, Sam was a little anxious but he felt safer in Castiel’s house than their old apartment. Maybe it was the angelic presence, maybe it was the neighbourhood. Either way Sam felt no need to spend every single spare second at a window on ‘watch’. Plus Cas lived closer to school so no one had to wake up as early and Anna would be home to baby-sit Sam if Dean and Cas were both working late, what not to love (aside from Anna’s snoring)?

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

It had been a big fucking move, like oh my god. Dean had been pooping his pretty little pants for so many months. Sure he loved Cas. But he also loved Sam and nothing is scarier than seeing your little brother cut up his flesh because he was scared the demons would possess him. Dean didn’t wanna bring about another episode. Seriously, the kid got more and more like John every second. Dean should really visit his Dad one day even if it’s just to see if he has some tips on handling Sam that don’t avoid hittin- yeah, no. Visiting John would not be a good idea, I mean the guy was in prison for a reason.

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

Sam had finally wised up. Afterall, he was a smart kid so he had to do the smart thing. He told everyone he didn’t believe in the monsters anymore. Bobby sighed a sigh of relief when he heard this- he didn’t want either of his boys hunting and he was starting to find it hard not to yell down the phone to Dean that of course Sam said there was a werewolf in town, there was really a werewolf in town!

Life got easier but his relationship with Dean deteriorated. There was no doubting the boys loved each other but Sam spent a lot of time lying to Dean or twisting the truth and he knew his brother could sense this. So, shortly after having the stitches removed out his chest he began to “lose interest” in monsters. By the time his anti-possession mark was a scar on his chest he had lost all interest. Obsession over. Dean had waited a while for a new delusion to pop up, nothing ever came. The shrink gave the go-ahead and they moved to live with Cas and Anna.

Sam’s personal theory is they only moved because Dean was lonely, Sam was too old for hugging and felt strangely towards his brother these days. To be perfectly honest, Sam was a little angry that Dean had labelled him crazy enough to take to a shrink. Sam had actually made friends at middle school but they all quickly disappeared after he had to take his medication at a sleepover, in hindsight Sam should’ve lied to them and said it was for some made up physical condition. Dean never knew the two boys Sam hung out with started ignoring him, the kid was very good at faking it until he made it. It was only three months before he made it. A new girl moved to town, her mother knew enough about mental health not to treat Sam like a dangerous individual liable to suddenly hurt himself or others at any given moment with no notice whatsoever, even if he had a history of being delusional and slightly paranoid. The mom was called Mrs Moore, her mother had committed suicide and Mrs Moore took a particular shine to Sam and he no longer had to pretend all his mates were busy every weekend, he’d just hang out with Jess. Jessica Moore was Sam’s first girlfriend. They started dating at thirteen, one year after Jess moved to town, Dean was happy beyond belief his geeky little brother had got a girlfriend and ecstatic said girlfriend was Jess. Life was good.

Dean was happy and healthy, Sam was happy and his mental health hadn’t been a cause for concern save one blip a year ago. The kid was fourteen. And he was responsible, he took his meds and Dean was proud of how well he coped these days when a social situation got a bit much for his anxiety. Sam was still smart but one term he began to take a lot of sick days. Dean wasn’t too worried, the kid was working at home to ensure his grades didn’t slip. If his grades had been affected Dean would’ve sent him to school and banned him from seeing Jess out of school until they recovered, perhaps a little harsh but Dean lived by a work hard if you wanna play hard attitude. And Sam knew that, so he worked hard. The school however had a different opinion and brought Dean in to discuss Sam’s absences and his English coursework.

Sam looked between the deputy head and his brother and knew he was gonna get a talking to in the car.

Dean started up the car and glanced at Sam to check his brother was belted in before he pulled off.

“Why didn’t you tell me you thought the school caretaker was a demon?”

“I don’t. I wrote a fictional piece of work on it”

“Shut up, Sam. Don’t be a smart ass, we both know that’s bullshit. You wrote a story in which you were kidnapped by a demonic cleaner, that’s some twisted shit y’know?”

“What?” Sam was a little on the shocked side, Dean had never used language like that with him no matter how angry.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THE MONSTERS WERE BACK!?” Dean pushed his fringe back off his forehead. “Fuck, Sammy. I told you to tell me if that stuff came back. Do you know how humiliating that was!? The school know you’re not wired right up here, Sam” Dean tapped his forehead. “They’re gonna think I don’t check how you’re doing. Think we don’t talk or summin’”

“We _don’t_ talk, Dean” Sam used the most sarcastic tone he had.

“That’s not my fault. I ask you how you are every day. I watch you like any good parent would for signs your paranoia’s back or you got any more delusions. You any idea how proud I am of you for how you cope with your anxiety these days? You ain’t had one your meltdowns like when you were little in years”

“So?”

“So I just had to sit there for an hour with a guy looking at me like I was a shit guardian and feeling like I’ve failed you because I had no idea you were worrying about being kidnapped”

Sam rolled his eyes.

“Hey! Speak to me, Sam”

“Why? You’ll just think I’m twisted”

Dean sighed. “Great. You know I didn’t mean that, Sam”

“Do I? Because whenever I used to talk about this stuff you looked worried and asked if I’d had my meds”

“Because I was looking out for you! You used to get so scared by these monsters, I was checking you took your meds so nothing got out of hand again.”

“You don’t get it”

“Evidently not”

Sam was silent for a while. “Monsters never left, Dean”.

Dean didn’t respond at first. He calmly indicated right and pulled up on the curb. “You better explain yourself right now”

“They’re still around. Not local. Few in neighbouring states.”

“Mhmm. And you didn’t tell me this, why?” Dean was too calm.

“You got angry and never believed me”.

Dean tensed his jaw “I’ve tried my best with you, Sam. I love you, I care for you and I’ve never treated you badly. What more d’you want, huh? You sittin’ there making out that I’m some bully when really I just worry about you. I’m trying so damn hard here, kiddo”

“You could try less worry and more belief”

“No, Sam”

“Why not? I’m not crazy”

Dean thought to himself that he’d heard that line off every psycho he saw on TV. Dean thought a little longer on how best to go about handling the brother he hardly spoke to these days. “Sammy, you got a whole bunch of disorders you can’t deny and sometimes they give you delusions. I’m sorry if I lose my temper with you. But you need to tell whenever you’re worried about something and we can work out if it’s real or not then resolve the issue”

“I could resolve it myself if you let me have Dad’s old silver knives”

“I told you I sold ‘em”

“Bullshit. You kept his jacket”

“Watch your language! And I kept the jacket because I didn’t want to have to buy a new coat, I sold the knives less than a month after we left him for money!”

Money wasn’t a struggle now. Dean had managed to get more training as a mechanic in a paid apprenticeship, he would still rather teach or be a tattoo artist or astronaut but hey, stick to what you know. Add to that Cas’s wage and the fact that between them they only had to pay now for one babysitter or to heat up only one house and there was more money to go around.

“Yeah well, you don’t believe me about monsters why should I believe you about that?”

And so the argument went for the next few days, Dean slowly realised how deep Sam’s obsession still was and the shrink mmmm-ed and ahhhh-ed about these discoveries before reluctantly changing the diagnosis to schizophrenia. He repeatedly told Dean that people normally don’t begin suffering the disease at 14 but it fit all Sam’s symptoms and hell, it fit any and all strange behaviours the kid had ever had in the past too.

Sam got new meds. He was fine, Dean begun to think life was too easy. Sammy was 18, still going strong with Jess and graduating high school. He took his meds. He promised Dean he didn’t believe in monsters and only came to Dean panicking after nightmares. The kids had weird nightmares, people died in them. Took a while to convince Sam the dreams were just dreams but they managed it and now the kid was fine. He was happy and, at last, pretty healthy. Mentally and physically.

College became a possibility, Sam was more than smart enough to succeed. Dean watched a film called Beautiful Mind which Cas brought to show that schizophrenics could go to college and succeed in life. It didn’t help convince Dean that his brother would be okay. He started hinting that Sam should go local.

Sam knew he (probably) wasn’t schizophrenic, he knew monsters were (probably) real. He wasn’t entirely sure about the last two facts, he’d spent too long cooped up under Dean’s watchful eye unable to prove that monsters did exist, and why would Dean lie about monsters to him for 18 years? He wasn’t sure about those things, he was definitely sure he wasn’t entirely sane. He was a little on the paranoid side, even for a hunter. The prospect of college flared his paranoia, halfway through the application process he began ‘window watching’ again and decided not to go at all, Dean supported that decision. He didn’t really want to be a lawyer anyway. Sam wanted to hunt.

A week before school ended, 18 year old Sam went missing. It made local news because of his mental illnesses made him vulnerable. The day after Sam never came home, the school caretaker quit. The police didn't find the coincidence relevant. Sam's fears were of a demonic caretaker. They were clearly inspired by a delusion and anyway, he hadn't had an issue with the caretaker for four years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you get the title chapter reference, I love you.


	8. Chapter Seven- Spoiler: Jess dies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm working on the story slowly and I have it all planned with two possible endings and I have the next few chapters planned. I know what story I want to write but the words just en't coming.

Chapter Seven

  


Whenever Dean found himself describing Sam to someone who hadn't met him (which wasn't often, Dean didn't like going around telling every stranger about his schizophrenic sibling) he often used the phrase 'functioning alcoholic'. Though Sam, of course, wasn't an alcoholic. The mixture of alcohol with his pills would likely kill him, one pill bottle also advised against drinking grape juice. Which Dean found a bit strange. 

Needless to say Dean would then go ahead and explain that Sam didn't drink. But he was reliant on his pills if he were to keep a sane head on his shoulders and without them it was freak-outs and melt-downs galore. Thankfully the 'functioning' part of the description did in fact fit Sam. He had opted not to go to college. Jess had gone to Stanford and, bless her heart, stayed faithful to Sam (as far as anyone back home knew). 

Dean was proud of Sammy,  _his_ Sammy. He always knew the kid was great but when they both younger and Sam's melt-downs could be mistaken as toddler tantrums, despite the fact that Sam refused to formulate proper sentences until he was almost four, Dean thought he was aiming for academic greatness. Instead his brother was going for having a great character, he was the strongest guy Dean knew. Dean had always been proud to call Sam his boy (and not just brother) but there had been rough patches with the illnesses and sometimes, especially that first year after Jess went to Stanford, Dean was a strange mixture of pride and shame when he acknowledged his relation to the six foot something man on the floor of the grocery store upset because the kid who normally worked at the bakery section was sick today (with Sam being so distraught because he mistook sick with flu to mean killed by monsters).

Sam was 21. If he had gone to college he would've started his fourth year a month ago. Instead he worked for Costco. He loved it, he stayed out of sight in the stockrooms using his strength and height to do things the other employees couldn't. It kept him fit and he got to use some of his minimum income wages to pay rent to Dean and feel like less of a burden. His boss was mercifully understanding of his condition and let him have breaks if he was getting distraught or distracted and was a little more lenient about sick days, but at the same time he refused to take crap off Sam. Sam had had a few rough patches around ages 18-19 but had settled out recently and his conditions had left him pretty much alone, the anxiety and his temper being the only real issues but he had ways to deal with those.

Yeah, Dean was real proud of his little brother. He'd got himself a job and a grip on reality. They converted the garage into somewhere livable and it became Sam's room. He normally ate and chilled in the house but if he fancied staying out late with friend he had a microwave to heat up food when he got back and a TV to watch. That way Dean and Cas wouldn't be woken by him coming home at god knows what hour- this was probably a mistake. It was early October that the nightmares started. And Dean couldn't hear Sam screaming. By mid-October Sam stopped going to bed. He stayed up all night on the PlayStation. He passed out at work from exhaustion and Dean, ever the parent, got called to pick him up. Sam was moved impermanently back into his old room with the promise Dean would wake him if he started screaming. A week before Jess's death Sam's paranoia went haywire. He was insistent the entire house was being watched, this was when Dean realized how strong Sam was. Despite his fear of being shot on the doorstep, the kid still went to work. He didn't know Sam was planning an escape until he didn't come home one day. Dean never asked what Sam did when he wasn't at home or at work, he assumed he went out with colleges. But Sam was always back by the time Dean woke the next morning. When work rang in to ask why Sam had missed his last two shifts Dean gave up all hope his brother had simply crashed at a friends house last night and rang the police. Within in hours they had Sam's last known location- a train station in California. He'd brought a ticket from there to Stanford. No one had seen him since.

Dean rang Jess and got her voicemail. He left about 32 messages in 48 hours.

On November second, four days after Sam went missing Dean got a call to say his brother had been found and arrested. Charged with the murder of his girlfriend and arson he was currently in hospital being treated for third degree burns. 

  



	9. Chapter Eight- CCTV.

Chapter Eight- CCTV.

Sam was cleared of charges because Jess's building had CCTV and it captured someone else entering the apartment before Sam, which coincided with Sam's simple yet somewhat confusing statement of "The man from the nightmares killed her, I didn't do it". 

Unfortunately for Sam the same statement that got him out of prison got Sam and Dean both rows for insisting he was coping okay with his illnesses with Sam ending up institutionalized. 

And that's where he stayed for months. And that's where he got worse. 

"Sammy?"

The drugged up 21 year old barely moved his head towards his brother in response. 

"Sammy, look at me kiddo"

Sam whined a little as Dean leaned across the table and cupped his brother's chin, turning him to look at him.

"What happened to your face? Sam? That's gonna scar, what happened?"  

Sam's response was mumbled. 

Dean sighed. "C'mon, speak to me properly", he leaned back in his chair, "this ain't like you, Sam. You're better than this, why you getting into fights?"

"Di'n"

"Huh? You didn't get into a fight. Really. Then how did you GET KNIFED IN THE FACE". Dean was reprimanded for yelling in the visitation room. "Let's take a walk, Sammy"

Sam got up and wavered, he was getting thin. Dean grabbed his arm and steadied him, leading him to small garden.  

"What happened, Sam"

"I fell"

"On a knife? I was told it was a knife. They called me and said there was an incident concerning you, another patient and a knife and you were getting stitches. How did you get hurt?"

"I fell on a knife"

 "You're shitting me, I was joking. Tell me what happened, Sammy. Please."

"A demon came at me"

"The monsters are back?"

"Yellow eyes"

"Okay, let's take a few steps back and explain. Who's yellow eyes and how is he related to you getting a cut up cheek?"

"Yellow eyes killed Mom and Jess. He sent demons in here after me. She was a demon."

"You hurt her?"

"They grabbed me"

"Who did?"

"Nurses"

"You're very monosyllabic, kiddo. You okay?"

"Drugs make me tired"

"They switch your meds?"

"Yeah"

"Why!? You were good on your last ones, did you tell 'em you liked your old ones?"

"They didn't work" Sam shrugged. "I went crazy enough to think my girlfriend was in danger"

"She got murdered, I'm going to say she was in danger. They were wrong to throw you in here, Sam. It's makin' you worse"

"They got demons in here"

"No they don't, see what I mean? Monsters are back. They weren't bothering you until you came here. We were doing good except them nightmares. We had it covered. I can take care of you"

Sam snorted. "They disagree".

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"What about you, you think I can't take care of you?"

"I think you were doing fine"

"But not good? Or at least not good enough for you to tell me about the nightmares the second you got them"

"You'd just tell me the monsters in my dreams aren't real" 

"And tell your shrink so he could talk to you"

"Tattle tale"

"No. He'd've helped you, avoided all this!"

"They got demons here."

"You said"

"Yeah"

"You look thinner"

"They're tryna poison me"

"No they ain't" 

"Demons like poisoning"

"They ain't demons"

"They are"

"Are not"

Sam pushed Dean.

"Fuck." Dean found himself in the bushes. "That was real  _grown up_ , Sam. I'm fucking 33, I'm too old for this shit".

Sam clenched his jaw and helped his brother up. "They's demons"

Dean looked at the floor, willing himself not to cry or yell. Sam had really lost it this time. "How did you hurt your face? You really attack someone?"

Sam nodded."Nurse pulled me away, I fell. Cut my face".

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

 

Sam lost visitation rights after he attacked his doctor. Not long after Dean got a phone call. Sam was gone. This time it wasn't a random Sammy road trip, CCTV showed showed a nurse taking him. 

And maybe it was just Dean, but her eyes looked black.

But it wasn't just Dean, Cas was panicking this time. More than before Jess's death.

Then came  _that_ night. Definitely what could be considered a life changing night. 

"Dean...PSSST. Dean"

"Wha'? Cas i's 2AMmm"

"I have word on Sam"

"The cops call?"

"No"

"Wha sorta word ya got?"

"I know where he is"

"Don'tfuckwith me at 2AM, Cas"

"I know where he is!"

"How?"

"I like to call it angel radio"

Dean didn't respond for a while. 

"Dean?" Cas snuggled into his partner and turned him over. "Why are you crying?"

Dean sniffed. His voice breaking "Crazies g-got you too? You think you're an angel or summin?"

Cas deflated a little "No, baby. Forget it. Just, just go back to sleep".

So Dean went back to sleep. 

And somehow, somehow he woke up in another bed.

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

"JESUS, CASTIEL. PUT. THAT. DOWN."

Cas stopped levitating the bed and folded in his wings. "Do you believe me now?"

"I don't think I have a fucking choice!"

"Good"

"NOW TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK WE ARE, YOU KIDNAPPING ASSHOLE"

"Dean, you didn't mean that so I will not let your insults hurt me. We are in South Dakota. In a farm barn as close as I could get to Cold Oak. I did not expect explaining the situation to you would take so long. We have about seven and a half minutes until we have to be there."

"What situation? You've explained fuck all, I mean it's like getting blood outta a stone on a good day but Cas all you've said is that you're an angel of the lord and frankly, I'm just confused and maybe a little terrified."

"We have to stop Azazel from taking Sam"

"Expand"

"Your brother is nearby and in danger. He's pitted against other people if he wins Azazel will use him because he's the strongest"

"Great. So first angels are real and know I've got some whacko dude apparently playing Hunger Games with my brother, except the winner gets a shitty prize"

"Yes. Now take these" Cas held out an exorcism chant and-

"Fucking salt!?"

"Just throw at a the person you're targeting and read from the paper if anyone with funny looking eyes come near you"

Cas grabbed Dean and zapped them to the outskirts of the unwarded, haunted town. Dean complained and threw up. Sam screamed in pain as Gordon threw him to the floor one last time.

Dean recognised his brothers yell, forgot about his motion sickness and started running.

"SAMMY?" Dean kept running. "SAMMY!" Dean was too late. He ran and watched as Jake put the knife into his baby brothers back before yanking it out and running away faster than Dean could run. So Dean left Cas to chase him as he caught his Sammy in his arms and cradled him, pressing fruitlessly against the wound. 

Sam breathing began to falter.

"No, Sam! Whoa, whoa, whoa, Sam. Sam! Hey! Hey, hey. Come here. Let me look at you. Hey, look at me. It’s not even that bad. It’s not even that bad, all right? Sammy? Sam! Hey, listen to me. We’re gonna patch you up, okay? You’ll be good as new. Huh? I’m gonna take care of you. I’m gonna take care of you. I’ve got you. That’s my job, right? Watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother? Sam? Sam! Sam! Sammy! No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, God. Oh, God".

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I like really couldn't write the scene where Cas tells Dean shit. SO yeah I like skipped it, sorry.


	10. Chapter Nine- Angels aren't real, duh.

One thing Dean was always guilty of as a child was ending his stories with "And then he woke up and realised it was all just a dream". He did it for every English teacher he ever had.

Dean woke up back at home and swore the events of last night were not a dream. Hell, he still had the blood and dirt under his nails from burying Sam to prove it wasn't a dream.

He also had Sam stood in front of him. Something wasn't right. "I'm going nuts" Dean concluded out loud.

"What?" Sam was grinning "You catch my crazies or summin?"

"No." Dean smacked at his brother. "But I swear you died".

"Oh" Sam sat down at the kitchen table, "clearly not". 

"That army dude-"

"Jake"

"Jake, whatever. He stabbed you"

"Is that why my back hurts?"

"Pro'lly...hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"All that demon shit you believe in, what about angels?"

"What about them?"

"They real?"

Sam thought a little before replying. "I've never seen one. If they exist, they're dicks for letting the demons do so much damage".

" _If_ they exist"

"Yeah, they probably don't. None the good stuff does. Why?"

"Crazy dream. Thought Cas was one"

"Cas feels...not human. But I dunno what he is, not angel. Guess he's just weird...hey, Dean? How did we get home so fast?"

"I dunno"

"Huh. Maybe he is an angel"

Dean snorted. "Maybe I should take you back to the hospital and submit myself in for treatment too".

"I'm not crazy, I've been telling this. You saw the CCTV. The bitch took me, I'm not crazy"

"Yeah". Dean folded his arms and leant them on the table. He dropped his head to avoid looking at Sam. "Maybe I believe you".

 

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

 

Dean didn't tell Cas his thoughts on that night. Let the angel convince him and Sam both that it was a crazy dream Dean had had. That the reality was Sam escaped his crazy nurse kidnapper and came home (and if Cas used mojo to help convince them of that, then so be it). Dean begun to believe seeing Sam stabbed was a nightmare, being told by Cas that angels existed was a dream.

Dean casually forgot the next month to pick up Sam's prescription. He wasn't sure how much of the kids bullshit he believed but these new drugs were really powerful and left Sam too lethargic to do much, Dean couldn't stand seeing his brother like that. He would take the shit that came with an un-medicated Sam over watching him shuffle about the house with the speed of a sloth.

Dean didn't really regret his choice. For two years Sam's Sammy-ness was never an issue. He functioned normally, Dean called Benny and his old boss let Sam help out at the garage where he used to work. Sam went out with friends on weekends. Dean even went on away with Cas for a long weekend and came home to find the house still standing.

Dean forgot about angels because angels aren't real, duh. Then he had another dream. This one starring Zachariah.

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

It took a while to convince Dean he wasn't crazy. But between Castiel, Zachariah and even Michael it was managed. Unfortunately Dean still refused to play house for the archangel. Michael used all his best persuasive techniques but, alas, he wasn't good enough to battle the infamous Winchester stubbornness.

Between Lucifer wanting Sam and Micahel wanting Dean, at least the boys knew that angels were very  _very_ real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has one maybe two chapters left/ just the epilogue left. Depends on how I write the rest of it. The gap between now and the next chapter is likely to be veeeeryyy long as I know where I'm going with it but no idea how to get there.


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue

Sam remembered less and less everyday.

He remembered his eighth birthday, celebrated with only Dean and a cake.

He remembered Dean's voice calling for him, panic ridden for whatever reason.

He remembered the endless sweep of the broad shoulders in a leather jacket as his brothers arms went out and his knees bent him down for a hug, his bright green eyes focused on ensuring a small Sam would safely make the three foot journey to his arms.

He didn't remember much else that wasn't cage related.

Lucifer would assure that by the end Sam only remembered Dean's kindness and a vague impression of his face, his voice. 

\---SPN-SPN-SPN---

Castiel had seen Dean cry maybe twice in the twenty five years they had lived together, that was until Sam's second death. 

At fifty one, Dean was crying at least once a week. Sam had died aged twenty six (when Dean was thirty eight). At twenty seven, Sam was back and Bobby was gone. No one but Dean seemed to find this coincidental. At thirty nine Sam just wasn't Sam and this made Dean very sad.

It had been over a decade since Sammy escaped the cage and his recovery was taking its time.

Dean used to cry daily. After the apocalypse he never took up hunting, he just hung around and mourned for Sam. Once Sam was back, Dean wished the kid would die again (but end up in heaven this time). His baby brother just wasn't happy. 

The first three or so years went like this:

_"Sammy?" Dean sat on the edge of his brother's bed, careful not to touch him. "Sammy, it's 1PM. How about you get up now?"_

_Sam was curled up in the corner of the bed furthest from Dean with his face pressed into the wall._

_"Sammy? Please talk to me?"_

_His brother's eyes would screw shut._

_"What's wrong, buddy? Why you pulling that face? You in pain?" Dean would lean in an inch closer and set his hand in the gap between him and Sam. Sam would curl up further away again. Exasperated Dean would say "Sammy, I won't hurt you"._

_Sam wouldn't respond. Dean would leave, mentioning bringing up some brunch for his brother. Dean only worked two days a week now (the days Castiel had off work) so someone was always home. Sam left his room only to pee and maybe, if Dean talked him into it, shower._

_It was some sort of PTSD no doubt about it. Hard to treat since Sam wouldn't leave his room to see a shrink and had only said three words since his return (the first thing he did was hug Dean and say "I love you", he hadn't touched Dean or spoken since)._

_They disabled the doorbell. It startled Sam and sent him into a panic. They never woke him up, they waited until they could hear him shuffling about his room (he was always either curled up in bed or stood by the window these days). He was a shell. Over a hundred years of torture had left him sensitive to the smallest sounds and touches and fatigued from nightmare riddled nights._

_Dean would cry most days as he made his brother sandwiches or soup. He felt like he'd failed as a brother, as a father, letting Sam go through whatever had made him like this._

_Anna rarely visited these days, Sam's screams as he slept kept her up and she preferred to meet Cas for lunch rather than stay a night._

At some point during his fourth year cage free, Sam started to believe he wasn't going back. He started engaging in the world again. Predictably, for his new self, Dean cried when he found his brother sat in bed reading. 

It was on Dean's 45th birthday (the sixth year after Sam's return) that Dean really cried. 

_"Sammy?", same routine as always, Dean smoothed the sheets on his brothers bed and wrinkled his nose. "You piss the bed again? These nightmares are out of control, man. You're strong, Sam. Strong people get help when it's needed and you need help about these flashback/nightmare things"_

_Sam quirked his head towards Dean, he'd started responding non-verbally to people talking to him about three months ago._

_"Clean sheets?"_

_Sam nodded._

_Dean went to get the stuff and changed the bed. Sam stood by the window and gulped down a whole bottle of water._

_Dean chuckled, "thirsty much, kiddo? Want me to refill that?"_

_Sam nodded and put the bottle on the dresser to avoid having to touch Dean in the transfer._

_Dean finished plumping up the pillow and gathered the damp sheets in his arms. "I'll come up for your PJs now if you wanna change into clean clothes". As he left the room he felt a tentative hand on his shoulder._

_By the time Dean turned around Sam's arm was well back at his side. Dean was grinning, he was sure he hadn't imagined Sammy tapping him._

_"Thank you" the younger man croaked. His voice rusty despite the fact he'd drunk so much water to lubricate it._

_Sam said about five more words over the next seven months before suddenly deciding to regularly start responding to stuff with a "yes" or "no". Not long after he began to talk again he started to leave his room to watch TV. Then shower on a regular basis and help Dean prepare dinner. Then he began to sit outside on sunny days. He started exercising at home, warming up his disused muscles._

It had been twelve years since Sam came back and he still hadn't done more than tap Dean if he wanted attention or say more than one six word sentence ("No I'm not seeing a shrink"). He could manage going for a walk outside when it quiet but loud noises and fast cars spooked him. He was skittish when people stopped Dean for a chat but he deemed the walk worth it because they always walked to the library. Every other day Dean would walk his brother over and spend hours there. Sam even talked to stranger if said stranger was a child asking him to reach a book on a tall  shelf (and the interactions only went as far as a"Thank you" from the kid and "you're welcome" off Sam).

Sam was improving but he was still scared, sad and lonely. Frankly, he just wasn't Sam. And that made Dean sad. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for how long it took to get this tiny little thing written. I apologise for the no doubt slightly lousy ending.


End file.
